When Individual Therapy Isn't Enough: The Transformative Power of Group to Heal

Individual therapy offers something essential: A safe, attuned relationship. A space dedicated to self-understanding and emotional insight.

For many, individual therapy is the first step toward healing. It provides a corrective, 1:1 experience of relational security.

And yet... many of our deepest wounds don’t happen in isolation – they happen in relationships. Friendships, sibling relationships, and family systems bring up themes of belonging & exclusion, vulnerability & conflict, closeness & rejection.

Some wounds can’t be fully healed alone. They need a relational space. Group therapy creates a living relational environment where patterns emerge in real time. Instead of just talking about relationships, participants get to experience connection, rupture, repair, and belonging in a contained, therapeutic space.

In group, relational patterns emerge over time:

• People-pleasing

• Withdrawal or self-protection

• Competition or comparison

• Difficulty trusting others

• Fear of rejection

  
  

With support, from the facilitator and other group members, these patterns can be explored, understood, and transformed.

Interested in joining a group or referring an individual client?

I run in-person process groups for teen girls & young women in Irvine, CA. Reach out to me directly at 657-217-2323 or meghancmalloy@gmail.com.

We’ll schedule an initial consultation call to explore what you’re hoping to get from group. If it feels like a good fit, we’ll schedule you for your first session with other group members.

Defensiveness in Couple Relationships - The Third Party

There are many reasons why defensiveness is a favorite topic of mine, but when it comes to couples therapy, the reason is that it often feels like the “third party” in the room.

Defensiveness shows up like an uninvited guest who plants itself right in the middle of the couch. Suddenly this loving, well-meaning couple — who moments ago were simply trying to talk, to get closer, to understand each other better — finds themselves rudely interrupted by this third figure playing psychological monkey-in-the-middle. They’re no longer responding to each other; they’re reacting to its tone, its urgency, its fear, its speed. And in that instant, they lose sight of one another because this third presence has taken over the interaction.

How to spot it

You can see defensiveness most clearly in the split second after one partner gives the other feedback. Instead of pausing, considering the perspective, and sorting through what does or doesn’t resonate, the nervous system jumps straight into protection mode. In that moment, you’ll often see a quick justification or explanation, a shutdown, or a shift in focus to your tone, your delivery, or something you did “wrong.” In other words, the partner moves away from the discomfort of being confronted and toward whatever feels safer in that instant.

What it’s saying

At its core, defensiveness is a form of self-protection. People become defensive when they don’t feel enough psychological safety to sit with something vulnerable. When you share something with your partner, and are immediately met with defensiveness, it’s probably you’ve touched a tender spot — a place linked to shame — and the instinct is to cover it as quickly as possible.

Other times, defensiveness may show up when a partner reflects something we haven’t yet become conscious of in ourselves. Having someone suddenly name or illuminate an unflattering truth can feel startling, even exposing. Instead of leaning into that discomfort, the instinct is to push away the person who brought it to light. In this way, defensiveness isn’t really a refusal to hear a partner; it’s a reflexive attempt to protect a sense of self that feels threatened.

How we work with defensiveness — rather than against it — in couples therapy

When we begin to see defensiveness as the third party in the room rather than a personal flaw, everything changes. It becomes something to notice, to name, and to understand — a signal pointing to what’s tender and important beneath the surface.

In couples therapy, I help partners acknowledge defensiveness without judgment, explore what it’s trying to protect, and gently set it aside so they can connect with each other. With curiosity and practice, couples can move past reactive patterns, creating space for empathy, trust, and real intimacy. In this way, defensiveness doesn’t have to block closeness — it can actually guide us to it.

Rupture and Repair in Parent-Child Relationships

Rupture is an inevitable part of any relationship. Two people in a long-standing, honest relationship with one another will have (at the very least) differences of opinion, hurt feelings, mismatched priorities, and breaks in connection. This is true in couple relationships, friendships, co-working relationships, and parent-child relationships.

In parent-child relationships, a rupture is a a break in the nurturing and secure bond between a parent and a child.

Ruptures can occur when:

• A parent leaves unexpectedly

• A parent is unable to meet a child’s needs

• A child repeatedly lies or misleads a parent

• A parent is physically or verbally abusive

• Trust is broken on either side

Many ruptures are repairable, are are actually opportunities to make the relationship better.

I like this perspective from psychologist Adam Rodriguez: “The rupture is rarely, if ever, the important part. The repair is critical. In fact, ruptures are actually opportunities to strengthen relationships. If a rupture can be repaired, it demonstrates to each person that the relationship is solid enough to withstand when things get bad and even ugly. It sends the message that the relationship will survive problems. This is important, because the relationship will have problems.”

The formula for a repair is situation-dependent, but here are a few key ingredients in any strong repair:

1. Acknowledging what happened

2. Acknowledging the harm that was caused

3. Being receptive to feedback, even when it is hard to hear

4. Validating the person’s point of view

5. Demonstrating ongoing understanding and change (actions > words)

In the process of repairing a ruptured relationship, it can be beneficial to work with a therapist, who can walk you through the process of how to utilize the rupture as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship.