One of the greatest hopes of couple therapy is that partners would be able to develop what attachment researchers refer to as a secure base.
The idea of a secure base comes from early attachment research on the relationship that a child develops with a caregiver. It suggests that children who feel emotionally, physically, and psychologically safe with caretakers are more likely to explore the world around them with confidence.
In secure child-caregiver dynamics, children know they have someone to return to who will provide them with reassurance, help comfort them in times of distress, and provide protection. You can imagine how children who know they have this type of secure base may be more likely to take risks, explore new things, and develop an awareness of their limits through trial and error.
In adult romantic partnerships, a similar dynamic can occur. Partners can experience peace of mind knowing there is someone looking out for them, who will respond sensitively in hard times and provide a reliable source of comfort and support.
A secure adult partnership, just like a secure child-caregiver dynamic, can support partners in going after their dreams, trying new things, developing awareness, and engaging deeply with the world around them.
In couple therapy, we work towards laying (or re-building) a foundation that supports partners' security with one another. When there is confidence in the relationship, and partners know they have a safe space to return to with one another, they can tackle the opportunities and challenges presented to them outside of the relationship more effectively.
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